Tag Archive | "Daddy 101"

Becoming a Dad

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Becoming a Dad

Posted on 17 June 2013 by hulda

playtimes.june2013cover

“Finding a role in the new family unit isn’t always easy for Dad”

While expectant fathers might be able to visualise themselves chasing a toddler, taking a pre-schooler out for bike rides or coaching kids’ football, the thought of a newborn baby can be daunting.

Dad might never share the same pregnancy experience as Mum, but
there are ways to begin the bonding process ahead of the birth. Seeing an ultrasound is an ideal way to meet the baby ahead of its due date, and
brings the reality of an impending birth and fatherhood home to Dad. And while it’s
common knowledge these days that babies recognise their mum’s voice
from the womb, newer research shows babies register the lower tones of a father’s voice just as much. A newborn will immediately look for the faces to match voices it has learned.

Hulda speaks to Playtimes about the importance of Dad’s role and securing the bond early on. Read the full article in the June issue of Playtimes here: From dude to Dad Playtimes June 2013

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Simple Steps to Joyful Parenting

Posted on 08 October 2012 by Annerley

 

Switch Your Focus

Spend 5 minutes each day focusing on all the things in your life that are good and positive and beautiful. We have become so used to dwelling on our problems and our pain that it’s no wonder we struggle to see the joy in every moment. As soon as we switch our focus and remind ourselves of all that is ‘right’ in our lives, we begin to attract more positivity into our daily life. The happier we are in ourselves, the more joyful is our parenting.

Stop Worrying

As a parent, we often worry about situations that simply don’t exist. We look at our children and wonder if they would happier if they had more friends or more toys or clothes. Maybe they would be happier if we moved to another country or took more holidays or joined another activity club. But if we simply stop and look at our children right now, it may very well be that they are perfectly happy just as they are. The measure of a child’s happiness is a child’s happiness.

Look Inward

When a baby is born s/he is a blank page so as they grow, they learn all they know from us. How we behave, act and react becomes the norm for them. So when an aspect of your child’s behaviour really irritates you, it’s time to look inwards and ask who they may have learned that from. As soon as you recognise it in yourself and change the way you’re behaving, guess what? Your child’s behaviour changes too.

Quell Your Anger

Children are loving and beautiful beings but let’s face it, are often the complete opposite too! When your child’s repeated behaviour triggers anger within you, this is an opportunity for both of you. For you, it is a chance to realise that you are not controlled by your anger. That you can walk away until you calm down or simply take a deep breath and count to ten before you deal with the situation at hand. As your child watches, s/he learns that it is natural to pause before reacting to a situation and this will greatly assist them as they grow.

Let Go Of Guilt

Everyone loses their temper with their child at one time or another. It’s really very commonplace. But instead of following up with a good dose of guilt, just accept it. Accept that your child has pushed your buttons and that you reacted to that. Then decide what to do about it. Sit down with your child no matter how young and explain that you were tired or upset about something else and that you took it out on them. Tell them that you’re sorry and that you will do your best not to let that happen again. But most of all let them know that it wasn’t their fault. That sometimes grown-ups say things that they really don’t mean. By explaining your behaviour to them, your children will gain a greater understanding of their own. And they’ll never be afraid to say they’re sorry.

Stop Shouting!

If you find yourself shouting at your kids when they don’t seem to be listening, the good news is that you’re not alone. The bad news is, however, that your shouting is unlikely to have any real effect on your kids. Our children see us as we are. If we shout often, they just take that as a normal part of our personality. Why not try the opposite approach? Maybe a calm voice that gives them the option of doing as you ask or losing their favourite toy for a week? You may be surprised at the effect that has on them. It also has the added benefit of reducing your own stress levels.

 

Workshop Facilitator & EFT practitioner, Orla Breeze works with new parents and parents-to-be here at annerley where she runs her popular workshops Daddy 101 & The Truth About Motherhood 

 

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Daddy 101

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The Article That All Dads To Be Should Read!

Posted on 16 August 2012 by Annerley

Daddy 101During pregnancy, there is no physical indicator that a man is about to become a father. Unless he specifically says so, you would have no idea that he was about to go through a big life transition. In fact, you could be surrounded by Dads To Be and not have the slightest clue!

Of course, this ain’t the case with mum.  She’s obviously changing and clearly indicating to the world-at-large (pardon the pun) that life is about to become a whole lot different.  Because of this, the majority of the attention is on her. People will ask her when she is due, how she is feeling and once baby is born, how she is coping with breastfeeding and how her recovery is going.

Not so with dad. He may get a slap on the back and a few congrats but that’s pretty much it. Which is fine, by the way, mum has put a lot of work into growing and delivering baby so it’s understandable that she receives more attention in return. My point is that it’s quite easy for a man to add all of this up and come to the conclusion that mum’s role is more important than his, that maybe his role is more of a supporting actor than a lead player. More attention on her plus pregnancy plus giving birth plus breastfeeding equals “she’s more important to our baby than me”. But this is not at all true.

The role of a father is as important as that of the mother. You only have to look at your own parents to know that your father played (and continues to play) as much of a role in shaping who you are as your mother. You don’t look at them and think that one is more important than the other.

This is probably the most important realisation a man can make at the beginning of his parenting journey – that he has a vital role to play in his child’s life from the second that child is born. If he has a son, he will be the model for what it is to be a father, what it is to be a husband and what it is to be a man.

If he has a daughter, it falls to him to show her what to expect from a man in a relationship and how she should be treated. It’s a big responsibility. Just a few weeks ago, some new research came out from the University of Oxford showing that children whose fathers disengaged from as early as 3 months were already exhibiting  behavioural problems at the age of 1 year.*  A baby needs their dad as much as their mum.

If you’re on the verge of becoming a dad or have just become one, allow us to assist you Orla Breezewith the preparation for the greatest role of your life. Daddy 101 is a very informal dads-only evening where you get to ask every question you ever had about your first year as a father – and I mean every question. Even the ones you think you shouldn’t ask! Click here for full details of our next evening.

Orla Breeze  – EFT practitioner & Workshop Facilitator

 * Click for full details of  research paper 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Not You, It’s Me… How our Children Reflect our Behaviour

Posted on 14 August 2012 by Annerley

About a year or so into parenthood, it slowly starts to dawn on you that bringing up baby is a lot more about how you behave than how your kid does. This is not something that gets explained to you in advance. When a child is born s/he knows absolutely nothing about social rules or how, when or where s/he should behave. In fact, all s/he really knows is water, darkness and sound. As a parent, it falls on us to teach the rest. So it follows that when we’re unhappy with aspects of their behaviour, we can’t really blame them as we were the ones who taught them to behave that way in the first place. We may have done this very consciously by deciding to respond to certain situations in specific ways or we could have done this unconsciously simply by being ourselves. That realisation is quite a big one because it means that we are one big walking, talking example for their behaviour. And that, of course, means that if we want them to change, we have to change first. GULP!

So how on earth do we start? Well, the good news is that your little one is a great indicator of your starting point. For the first 7 years of their lives, they pretty much learn from observing us. That means the chances are fairly high that aspects of their character that annoy us the most are, unfortunately, aspects of ourselves that annoy us the most. So when I once asked a wise man why my son was always moaning and complaining, he told me that it was because I too did a lot of that so my son thought it must be a good thing to do. Ouch! I had to take a long look at myself after that revelation and make some pretty drastic changes to my behaviour.

The benefits of taking this approach are really high. When we change and let go of those parts of ourselves that we don’t like, our children change too. As we behave, so they behave. It’s a simple truth but does require some kind of regular ongoing practice to maintain. That doesn’t mean that you need to take yourself to some mountain top somewhere and meditate in silence for long periods of time – although that is quite tempting when you’re with your kids 24/7 – even a couple of minutes a day of simple deep breathing can make the world of a difference.

Here at Annerley, we don’t just work with you whilst you’re going through the process of becoming a parent. We also offer workshops and evenings to assist at every stage of parenthood. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment and every parent could do with some extra tips and techniques from time to time. If you’re a new Dad or Dad-to-Be, you may like to get all your questions answered at our Daddy 101 evening. New Mums are welcome to join us for our Truth About Motherhood workshops where we let you in on the secrets to time-management and planning for the future and also introduce you to a couple of techniques for the kind of conscious parenting this article has talked about. And for those of you who want to work on specific issues that are coming up for your family, we offer one-to-one EFT sessions.  Further information on all of these courses can be found by clicking here on ‘Other Classes’. We hope to see you there!

 

Workshop Facilitator & EFT practitioner, Orla Breeze works with new parents and parents-to-be here at annerley where she runs her popular workshops Daddy 101 & The Truth About Motherhood 

 

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